And how my own college has literally screwed me over entirely. 

I have been having panic attacks caused by my depression and anxiety. On Monday I had the worst panic attack of my life, and attempted suicide. Obviously I failed (because Tylenol can’t kill you just ruins your stomach and liver) Rae had found me in my room and took me to safety and security on my campus who then called an ambulance and I spent the rest of that day at the hospital.

Usually after my panic attacks I feel fine and this time I realized that I needed to seek help. At first my college (Seattle Pacific University) seemed very ready to help; when I came back to campus they had me meet with the student councilor who I really liked and once I had finished talking to him I really felt excited about meeting with him and talking things out, and figuring out if I should start medication. 

My school still made it clear that at the time they wanted me to stay off of campus till things were resolved. They had told me that they still had to decide what would be best for me; though at this point I was under the impression I would be returning to classes by Monday.

The next day I returned to campus to talk to the RLC’s who are the resident life staff. Here is the mission statement of the RLC’s:

• Provide a residential community founded on Christian faith         and values.
• Provide residential housing facilities that are safe and welcoming.
• Train and supervise student leaders.
• Offer co-curricular programming according to student developmental needs.
• Operate a fair and just disciplinary process.
• Advise residence hall councils.

I went to meet with one of them, and they had told me that they decided that the best thing was to put me on a medical leave, and not come back till spring quarter next year. Also if I want to come back I am supposed to have met with a therapist on my own time and money.

So instead of having free therapy from my school and easy access to medication they think that dumping me is better. 

This school was so important to me and getting a degree was my top goal at the moment, but because this school sees me as a liability rather than a person that just needs some help they are literally putting my life on pause. 

They continued to tell me that they really did care about me and what was best for me, but they probably didn’t know who I was until this Monday. Even my mother who has known me for 20 years agreed that this was a horrible decision. 

I now have to move out by tomorrow and find a new place to live. 

They have put my life to a screeching halt. 

I’m being torn away from my school and my friends, and basically being expected to get all the help I need on my own. 

This school says they care, but basically they are telling me I’ve screwed up, slapping me and sending me on my way. 

And if you were all wondering, I refuse to return back to this campus in the spring. 

So yeah. I just wanted other people to hear how this school handles students who really need help.